Quiet control

Have you ever found yourself apologising for things that weren’t your fault? Have you doubted your own memory, perception, or feelings — even when you were certain of them moments before?

You might be experiencing gaslighting.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person causes someone else to question their own reality, memory, or feelings. It is one of the most common — and most invisible — forms of emotional abuse in intimate relationships (Herman, 1992).

5 Signs You Might Be Experiencing It

1. You constantly second-guess yourself You used to trust your instincts. Now you find yourself asking “am I remembering this correctly?” after almost every disagreement.

2. You feel confused and “crazy” after conversations Discussions with your partner often leave you feeling disoriented, even when you went in feeling clear.

3. You make excuses for your partner’s behaviour You find yourself explaining away their actions to friends and family — even when part of you knows something is wrong.

4. You feel like everything is your fault No matter what happens, the conversation always ends with you apologising — even when you raised a legitimate concern.

5. You’ve started to feel like you’re “too sensitive” Your feelings have been dismissed so many times that you’ve started to believe your emotional responses are the problem.

You are not the problem.

Recognising these signs is the first step. If this resonates with you, you are not alone — and what you experienced has a name.

If you are in Australia and need support, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit beyondblue.org.au